How to Explain ADHD to Someone Who Doesn't Have It?

Living with ADHD can feel like you're constantly misunderstood and having to explain yourself—trying to make others understand why your brain works the way it does. You know you're not lazy or forgetful, studies have found that the ADHD brain is different. Yet you may have heard other people trying to “normalise” your challenges or make comments such as “everyone has a bit of ADHD” which is not true and undermines your diagnosis.

In this blog post, I'm going to break down some of the most common misconceptions about ADHD and provide useful strategies to help you explain your reality to others. By talking about ADHD, you are breaking the stereotype and helping those around you better understand and support your strengths and weaknesses, which will help you be your true, authentic self.

You'll learn:

• How to address common ADHD misconceptions

• Practical strategies for communicating your ADHD reality

• Ways to highlight ADHD strengths to your peers

• Tips for encouraging empathy and understanding in others

Why is talking about ADHD so important?

When you first got your diagnosis, you may have felt relieved: Finally, I know why my mind works differently than my peers. But lately, you face a lot of misconceptions about who you are and what you experience. People think you're lazy, forgetting unimportant things on purpose, or just too chaotic. This can make you feel misunderstood and lonely, like the black sheep of the bunch.

It is estimated that by age 10, children with ADHD receive 20,000 more negative messages than their neurotypical peers. ADHDers are often judged, and it impacts our self-esteem. Most of the negative comments are made by people not knowing anything about ADHD, and raising awareness of what ADHD is in a good, easy-to-comprehend way will help to dissolve the stigma. This will make you feel more accepted and free to be who you are, without feeling like an outcast or limitation.

Here are a few reasons why talking about ADHD and helping those around you understand will have a positive effect:

1. When others grasp how ADHD impacts your life, it will be easier to be honest about your needs, challenges, and strengths. This honesty and understanding can reduce the stress of masking your symptoms.

2. People who understand your ADHD can offer targeted, effective help when you need it. For example: assistance with challenging tasks, accountability for your goals, or emotional support during tough times. 

3. Many people are under-informed about ADHD, leading to misinterpretations of your behaviour or even conflict. By educating others, you can prevent misunderstandings and prejudices.

4. Open dialogue about ADHD can help create an environment where you feel accepted and understood at home, with your friends and at work.

5. By sharing your experiences, you contribute to broader awareness and acceptance of neurodiversity in society.

6. People may think: “I know someone with ADHD so I understand.” But this is not the case. Everyone experiences ADHD differently.

The most common misconceptions about ADHD

Let's dive into the biggest misconceptions about ADHD and how to set the record straight.

Misconception 1: ADHD is just about hyperactive kids

Many people think ADHD is all about hyperactive behaviour, usually associated with fidgety children who can’t sit still. This misunderstanding can lead to undiagnosed cases in adults, leaving them without the support they need. In reality, ADHD manifests differently in adults—often through difficulties with focus, organisation, and emotional regulation. These issues can create significant obstacles in both personal and professional life.

Misconception 2: ADHD is an excuse for laziness

It's frustrating when people mistake ADHD symptoms for laziness. We frequently wonder how others seem to accomplish tasks so easily while we wrestle with simple things. The truth is, ADHD stems from neurological differences that impact our executive function—our ability to plan, prioritise, and complete tasks. Our brains process information and tasks differently.

Misconception 3: Medication is all you need to treat ADHD

There is a common belief that medication alone can “fix” ADHD, but it’s just one part of the solution. Think of it like a band-aid—it helps, but it doesn’t magically solve what’s happening underneath. Dr. Russell Barkley, a prominent ADHD researcher, likens ADHD medication to wearing glasses for the brain; it helps improve focus, but it isn’t a complete solution on its own.

ADHD affects the frontal lobe of the brain, which is responsible for things like staying organised, controlling impulses, and focusing on goals (even small tasks like picking up your socks). For people with ADHD, the frontal lobe doesn't work as efficiently as it should. 

Medication helps with improving focus increasing impulse control or organisation, but it doesn’t address everything. Effectively managing ADHD often includes a mix of therapy, lifestyle changes, and support systems to help with the day-to-day challenges that medication alone can not solve.

Misconception 4:  “Everyone has a little ADHD”

You’ve probably heard this comment a lot. What some people miss is that ADHD isn’t about being forgetful or distracted on a rough day. ADHD is a neurological difference, and it impacts us daily, in ways others might not see or understand. It’s not something we can switch on or off, as it’s part of who we are.

Misconception 5: ADHD doesn't exist

Despite scientific evidence, some people still question whether ADHD is real. This scepticism can leave us feeling misunderstood and dismissed. ADHD is a well-documented neurodevelopmental condition. It affects our executive functioning—the mental abilities we use for self-regulation and goal-directed behaviour.

How to explain ADHD to someone who doesn't have it

• Share real-life scenarios: describe situations where ADHD impacts your daily life, like finding it difficult to follow conversations in noisy environments or missing critical details in meetings.

• Address misunderstandings directly: use phrases like "I'm not lazy; I'm struggling" or "I don't mean to interrupt; my thoughts just move quickly" to clarify common ADHD behaviours.

• Highlight ADHD strengths: while ADHD presents obstacles, it also comes with strengths. Share how traits like hyperfocus, creativity, and out-of-the-box thinking benefit you in certain situations.

• Develop self-understanding: the more you understand your own ADHD, the better you can explain it to others. Take time to learn about how ADHD affects various aspects of your life.

Don’t forget: you’re not making excuses. You’re just trying to make those around you understand you better.

You’re practically saying, "This is how my brain works, and here's how we can work together effectively."

The next time you need to explain ADHD to someone who doesn't get it, try sharing a slice of your lived experience. Above all, be patient. 

Understanding ADHD is an ongoing journey for everyone involved.

Managing daily life with ADHD and explaining it to others can often feel overwhelming. After decades of research, coaching, and personal growth, I've gained a deep understanding of how the ADHD brain operates.

If you're looking for support in managing your ADHD and building a balanced approach to your daily life, don’t hesitate to reach out to me.